I can't believe it....

I had a stunning revelation tonight.

I like to exercise.

I do. I've missed running last week. I went to Body Pump and Zumba tonight. (I've posted about Zumba twice before - once pre-op and once post-op. I'm sure I've posted about Body Pump, too. But tonight it's about the Zumba) Zumba was so much fun! And I realized how much better I am at it now. I mean, I was jumping and bouncing while dancing. I distinctly remember doing it before and barely being able to make it through - seeing other people jumping and wondering why they weren't dead. Now I know. They're just not enormously fat like I was :)

It made me happy.

Conquering Old Rag

Some friends from church wanted to go hiking for Memorial Day, so I decided to go with them. I haven't hiked since I lost the weight (I had a disastrous fat hiking experience with my family several years back....), but I figured I could handle it. Then I found out they were hiking Old Rag. I looked it up and it was described as "strenuous" and "very challenging" including a "one mile rock scramble"

*gulp*

I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to keep up, but I was determined to try so I went on.

It. Was. Awesome.

So fun. The first two miles headed steeply up a narrow mountain path. Well before the first mile was over I looked like someone at poured a bucket of water in my head. (I sweat a disgustingly large amount. I need to look into that at some point) The side of my foot was hurting and I could feel blisters developing, but I was keeping up. (It was the same pain I got one other time. I've decided that I must walk differently in shorts and that's what causes it) At our first rest, I put some band aids on my heels and we started up again. The toe stopped hurting, but the blisters got worse throughout the trip. Oh, well.

After those two miles, the last mile up was basically rock climbing. Huge piles of boulders that we had to climb up, slide down, squeeze through, jump over, and basically meander our way through. It was tough but really fun. It helped being with a group because we could help each other through. We stopped frequently to admire the view. When we finally got to the top, it was amazing. We hung out for a while, ate some lunch, battled some flies, and headed back down. The way back down was longer - 4.5 miles - but not nearly as interesting. Most of it was a fire road, so it was an easy walk. We booked it back down, playing the name game to keep ourselves entertained.

All in all, we were hiking for about 5.5 hours. We were disgustingly dirty and sweaty and exhausted. I had a MAJOR blister on my right heel and fairly significant one on my left. We left and collapsed into an IHOP where we devoured dinner.

At one point on the way up, one of my friends asked, "Could you have done this a year ago?" and my answer was a quick "HELL no!" But it's not even no. It was so far out of the realm of possibility that it wouldn't even have been fathomable. I mean, this was a HARD hike. And not just the hike, but the rock climbing....there were places I had to squeeze through that I wouldn't have even fit last year.

So I'm flying high off of this and will be for a while. The fun you can have when you're not fat! Who knew?

The image in my head

So this is how I motivate myself to keep going on this whole weight-loss thing: I imagine that there is a skinny girl inside me. I'm eating right to get her out. But I'm exercising so that when she gets out she's already fit and toned and ready to go. Every time I'm exercising and I'm exhausted I think "Come on, skinny girl. Get stronger now so you can bust out!" I know. Crazy talk.

Something else new and amazing today - I swear I find something exciting every day. I finally went swimming again. I ALWAYS swim over to the ladder to get out because I'm not strong enough to pull myself up out on the side. I've tried once or twice and it's embarrassing. I figured it was a combination of weak arms and a lot of weight to pull up. Well, today I decided to try it while no one was around. I like flew out of the pool! It wasn't even hard! Amazing.

One of my cousins posted her pictures from the reunion and I swear when I see myself I just look like a fat girl. Which makes me think - if I look so much better than I did before, but I still look like a fat girl......wow. Anyway, there's my Debby-Downer moment of the night.

Shhhhh.....

I'm scared to say it out loud, because I'm afraid it's not really true. I'm going to have to whisper it.

I've lost 100 pounds.

I'm excited and at the same time trying to rein it in because I still have a long ways to go. Of course, my brain just keeps telling me - "Yeah, well good for you. I can't believe you even let yourself get into a situation where you had 100 pounds to lose and you still have 60 to go. " Although there's another, albeit smaller, piece of my brain that wants to walk up to everyone I see and say "Hi. I'm Sarah. I've lost 100 pounds." Especially if it means we can have a conversation that does not revolve around elections or politics.

Running in the heat!

This afternoon I went for a "run", not realizing that it is HOT AS ANYTHING out there. I mean, really hot. I got so hot I got chills. I literally had goosebumps all up and down my arms. But I did 4 miles. Which is 5 laps around my trail. The first 4 laps I did more "running" than walking - a good bit more, actually - but the last lap I just walked. I considered it my cool down lap. It took me about 50-55 minutes. Something miraculous has happened since I've started working out more - the trail has gotten shorter. I'm pretty sure it has. It used to be all I could do to do 2 laps - and it took me my full 40 minute workout. So the trail must be getting shorter!

Ok, I'm taking a survey here. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I know, it's whacked out and strange but these are the things that go through my head. And this is my blog, where I write things that go through my head. I'm down about 90 pounds right now (since March when I started boot camp), which means naturally I'm thinking about hitting that 100-pound loss mark. My goal is to hit it before my family reunion Nov. 7. Of course, I've been stuck at the same weight for almost a week now, so I may never get there and this may be a moo point. (you know - a moo point. It's like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter.) (Thanks, Joey!) Back to my question - when I hit 100 pounds lost, do I post that information in my Facebook status? Because it's exciting. But do I want to admit that I had 100 pounds to lose - and I'm still fat? Of course, people knew because - well, they could see me. Still. I know, this is one of

Little updates :)

It just occurred to me the other day - when I read other WLS patient's blogs, I always want to know how much weight they're losing. Yet I never post mine. I don't know why. Maybe b/c I already know so I'm not curious :) Anyway, it's not a secret so I thought I'd share. To date, since I started pre-op "boot camp" back in March, I've lost about 75 pounds. It hasn't come off evenly, though. The stats:

• Pre-op (3 1/2 months): 27 pounds
• 1st 2 weeks after surgery: 20 pounds
  
• Next 6 weeks: 17 pounds (yes, this was a very frustrating 6 weeks)
• Last 2 weeks: 11 pounds

I think that comes out close to 75. I'm thinking the goal is to average around 5 lb/week. Everyone has different ideas, though.

This was an exciting WLS-related story: I have these pants that I love. They're from Lands End, just elastic-waist, loose, cotton pants. When I'm at home I practically live in them, and I wear them to sleep in a lot (I have two pairs). I've noticed just in the last week or so that they're really getting too big to wear. This morning they literally fell off of me as I was walking from the bathroom to my bedroom. Just fell off. As excited as I am about the lost weight, I'll be a little sad to lose my favorite pants...

Champion of the Games

I did something new and exciting for me - when I hit the gym, I ran on the treadmill. Ok, it was more like a jog. You know that speed where you can't quite walk that fast but you can't quite run that slow? That's where I was. And I only did it in 1-minute bursts (jog a minute, walk a minute for 5 minutes - then spend 5 minutes walking on an incline and repeat. But even my walking was faster than I usually do) The best part was I didn't even think I was going to die! Rock on.
This is how I picture myself on the treadmill:

This is what I really look like:

Oh, well. Dare to dream, right?

The Olympics Begin!

So, obviously, clearly, no duh! - I'm not an athlete. Nowhere close. I don't pretend to be, nor do I play one on TV, film, or radio. The fact that I'm still painfully hobbling around two days after I first went back to weights at the gym is clear evidence of this.

Still.

Michael Phelps swims four times faster than me. Four times. So picture this. Mike and me hit the pool. We dive in. By the time I get to the other side, he's already done two whole laps - up and back, up and back. And he's not even breathing hard. Wow.


Last beginning-of-the-Olympic games thought: I love gymnastics. I always wanted to be a gymnast. I loved doing gymnastics and dance when I was little. I think I quit because I got fat. Also, I was lazy. I know when I lose some of this weight, I'm going to take dance classes again. Do you think they offer gymnastics classes for grown-ups?
You can picture me doing this, right? ;)

Attitude adjustment needed

Ok, I just want you all to know that I KNOW I'm being whiny and pitiful over this whole thing.... I've been reading other WLS patient's blogs (I never know if it's ok to link to them or not? What is the proper etiquette there? If someone has posted their link publicly, is it ok for me to link to it? Or should I check with each individual person? Who knows) and they all seem to have so much more of a "This is hard, but it was a good decision and I'm glad I did it" attitude.

So my goal is to work on that. Know that, despite how unhappy I may feel at any given moment, deep down I know that I prayed about this for something like a year before deciding to have the surgery, and then worked for 6 months pre-op to get ready. So I know it was the right decision for me. But I don't handle pain or discomfort well. And I think my hormones may be raging out of control at the moment and making me crazy.

I came back from Lynchburg tonight after 5 days to find that my rent hasn't been paid (I gave them an automated debit form - this happened last August as well. Frustrating) and that the tickets I bought to go to Charleston next week were both for the same day. Surprisingly, I didn't actually want to fly down to Charleston and leave 30 min. later. So I have now doubled the cost of my tickets in change fees. So you can see why I feel cray.

John 16:33
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

First post-op doctor visit

So I just got back from my first post-op visit with Dr. E. I was so excited to go back and be freed to do new things that I was literally dancing in the shower at 11:00 last night. It went even better than I hoped! Since my surgery 2 weeks ago, I'm down 20 pounds (which is completely amazing to me), making my total loss 47 lbs. so far. He told me I could go ahead and start on mushy foods - next stop after typing is to scramble an egg! - and that I could do basically anything I want now. Go to the gym - including weights, which I definitely thought would be later, swim, travel. He said my incisions are looking good and since I'm not having any problems I can start trying new things. I'm sooooooooooo excited! Look out world, Sarah's back!

Body Age pt. 2

So I'm finishing up my pre-op Boot Camp at "the Center", and today they did a second Body Age test to see if I've made any improvements over the last 3 months. My first test, in March, said my Body Age was 50. Today's test, after 3 months of exercise and nutrition counseling, showed some significant improvements, including a new "age" of 36. The highlights:

• I've lost 28 pounds.
• They measured my neck, shoulders, chest, abdomen, waist, hips, biceps, forearms, thighs, knees, and calves. All of my measurement have decreased, adding up to a total of 28" gone.
• My nutrition score went way up.
• My bicep strength, situps, and pushups all increased. (In one minute, sit-ups went from 12 to 20 and pushups went from 12 to 22; bicep strength went from pulling 56 lbs. to 62 lbs.)

So I'm excited about all of that. I'm still stressed that with 6" gone from my waist, my clothes still aren't fitting any differently! There's something wrong here...maybe my clothes really were just super tight before. Anyway, hopefully that means that post-op losses will show up more quickly in my clothes. I'm really glad that I did this whole Boot Camp extravaganza, but I'll have to post my thoughts on that another time.

Right now I'm getting ready to go out for my "last meal". Tomorrow I have my pre-op appointments and I'm expecting them to put me back on the dreaded Liver Shrinking Diet. :O I really thought that I would be sad at the thought of saying good-bye to food, and feel like I needed to eat a lot tonight. But I don't. I really think that my attitude about food has changed and, while I'm still dreading the LSD, I'm ok with the changes in eating habits that the surgery will bring. I'm not worried about feeling deprived anymore. I think this is partly due to my research and talking with others, and partly to the changes that I've already made. But going out to a nice dinner is always fun. So we're going to Maggiano's, a really nice Italian place.

Tomorrow I'm in for several hours of test and being poked and prodded. Then I'm taking the train overnight to Charleston. I'll report back when I can...

Woooo-Hooooo!!! (LSD day 8)

So, as it turns out, I don't HAVE to eat that stinkin' sandwich every night! I just have to eat something low fat with less than 300 calories. WOW. I'm the most excited girl that you have ever met at this moment. I wish I could have the last week of choking down that nasty thing back, but hey - then I probably wouldn't enjoy this moment quite so much. Who would have though I could get so excited over choosing my own 300 calories?

In other news, I weighed myself today for the first time since I started this whole LSD excitement, and I'm down 11 pounds. So with those two things I finally feel like I'm going to make it through this. It's a good thing, too, because I was pretty close to becoming a complete basket case.

LSD day 6

Well, I am sticking to the Liver Shrinking Diet but can't say that I'm enjoying it. It is INCREDIBLY hard to not eat all that good food out there...especially when you have to sit and watch others eat. It was a rough week, but this weekend was especially hard because I wasn't as busy. I was also with my family and traveling, which made it even more difficult to stick to. But I did.

The pre-op diet was what I was dreading the most about the whole thing and now to have to do it twice is really taking a toll on me. I'm cranky and cry easily. My poor kids this week....watch out!

I'm considering letting myself order DVR if I can lose 3o pounds before surgery (which is a realistic goal, with 4 of those 10 weeks being on the LSD!) It's only something like $12 a month, but I'm really not sure that I can afford even that. Maybe I can look through my statements and find a recurring payment that I'm making that I'm unaware of that I can cancel...that sort of thing happens to me all the time :) But I would LOVE to be able to watch the shows I want, when I want. Most shows I like come on after I want to be in bed, so I stay up too late watching them. So we'll see. 8 more days to go....