FInding clothes that fit.

*UGH*

Here are some clothing fit issues I'm having - I knew y'all wanted to hear about them:

** You know how there are some people that look like a caricature of a person. Like from the chest up and the thighs down they are of normal size but then they have an enormous stomach and butt? No? You don't know those people? Come visit me, my friend, and you will... I can tell that I've lost some weight in my boobs and face. Mostly the boobs. (I don't know about my legs, b/c I don't have a full length mirror. Because I'm super together and organized), but my stomach and butt are still enormous. It's NOT a good look.

** I don't know what size underwear to buy. In the past, this has been my underwear-buying philosophy: Go to Wal Mart. Find the multi-pack bags of underwear. Find the cheapest one. Buy the biggest size they have. Now I can still wear my underwear, but it's getting kind of baggy and I don't have any idea how to figure out what size to buy next.

** I put one some Goodwill jeans today (I have like 4 pairs of those) and they fit me perfectly - except for the left calf. I'm serious. Everywhere is perfect, but the left calf is tight. Only the left one.

** I would like to say hello to..... my neck! I just saw it in the mirror. Who knew I had one under all those chins?

Ouch!

Last night I got on here to write my Last Will and Testament, but decided I was too tired so you guys could just fight over my stuff. Luckily for y’all, I was able to get out of bed this morning after all. I took Body Pump for the third time last night. I’ve been trying to figure out how much weight I should use – and I think I overdid it a bit. A bit. By the end, every muscle in my body was trembling uncontrollably. But I just kept thinking to myself – “No sagging skin! I will not have saggy skin!” so this better work. Surprisingly enough, I was able to get up this morning relatively pain-free. I’ve been a little sore, but nothing like when I first worked out with Sgt. Bryan and could hardly move!

So here’s a tidbit about me – I’M COLD!!!!! No matter where I am when you’re reading this, I’m probably cold. Ever since the weather started to get colder, I cannot warm up. I’ve read about other people with this surgery and I think it’s not so much the loss of weight as it is my body reacting to all the crazy changes and spewing hormones everywhere. I hear the first winter is really cold, but it gets better. Here’s to hoping!

Don't say I never gave you anything...

That's me inside the Clifford suit. Totally exciting, huh?

Fall Cleaning!

I spent yesterday cleaning out my closet. Here are all my "fat clothes" that are too big for me and have to be gotten rid of:

(and that's my fat cat Christine. She's wondering what she's going to wear when all the fat clothes are gone. Don't worry yet, cat. There are still many fat clothes to come) (Don't let her innocent look fool you) (Does anyone want to adopt her? And her brother? They're great cats. Really.)

Also, here's a picture of me in my favorite outfit from last winter, when I was so big I was just trying to hide in my clothes:

I know, my hair - and the expression on my face - is super attractive here but look past that, ok? Looking at the picture the clothes don't look that big, but trust me. They're really too big. I tried to take one of those holding-out-the-fat-pants-to-show-how-much-bigger-you-used-to-be pictures, and I can hold them out a lot - they really don't stay up by themselves - but I'm still too fat to post it on the internet. Someday!

Clifford!

In the WLS community, people often refer to "wow moments" - when you realize how your weight loss has affected your life. I tend to think it's cheesy, naturally b/c I'm cynical like that, but I had one yesterday.

For our Book Fair/Community Day pep rally, our librarian asked me to wear the Clifford costume. For most of you out there who have always fit into the one-size-fits-all-category, this probably doesn't even seem like a big deal. But I've always had this secret fear of someone not realizing that I was fat (um, how does that happen exactly?), asking me to do it, and me not being able to fit in it. Because I wouldn't. So when she asked me I was shocked that she considered me normal-enough sized to be able to do it. That was exciting moment #1. #2 came when it actually fit. And #3 came when the kids couldn't guess who I was - I guess all the fat didn't show through as much as I thought it would. I had a great time being Clifford, by the way :)

Running in the heat!

This afternoon I went for a "run", not realizing that it is HOT AS ANYTHING out there. I mean, really hot. I got so hot I got chills. I literally had goosebumps all up and down my arms. But I did 4 miles. Which is 5 laps around my trail. The first 4 laps I did more "running" than walking - a good bit more, actually - but the last lap I just walked. I considered it my cool down lap. It took me about 50-55 minutes. Something miraculous has happened since I've started working out more - the trail has gotten shorter. I'm pretty sure it has. It used to be all I could do to do 2 laps - and it took me my full 40 minute workout. So the trail must be getting shorter!

Ok, I'm taking a survey here. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I know, it's whacked out and strange but these are the things that go through my head. And this is my blog, where I write things that go through my head. I'm down about 90 pounds right now (since March when I started boot camp), which means naturally I'm thinking about hitting that 100-pound loss mark. My goal is to hit it before my family reunion Nov. 7. Of course, I've been stuck at the same weight for almost a week now, so I may never get there and this may be a moo point. (you know - a moo point. It's like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter.) (Thanks, Joey!) Back to my question - when I hit 100 pounds lost, do I post that information in my Facebook status? Because it's exciting. But do I want to admit that I had 100 pounds to lose - and I'm still fat? Of course, people knew because - well, they could see me. Still. I know, this is one of

Some thoughts from the head of me!

I met with my nut, Pam, again today. She was pleased with how I've been doing and even said that she thought she was too hard on me last time. (She wasn't, by the way - I needed to hear it. I honestly had thought I was doing ok but I wasn't) She gave me a lot of new helpful suggestions. *note here - none of these suggestions were for foods that I hate followed by "just try it". This was my old nut's way. This is why I no longer see her* She's very sweet and non-judgemental, which makes it easier for me to be as honest with her as I can, which makes it easier for her to help me. So it's good all around. I told her today that I worried that I never hear from anyone else who is not completely in love with their WLS. I tend to be pretty honest about admitting my doubts and frustrations about my surgery. And she told me that there are other people who feel that way, they just don't go to support groups and follow up appointments like I do. So that made me feel good. I'm going to keep fighting for this!

I'm still so tired it's almost dangerous for me to drive, but I went to bed earlier last night and I'm headed that way tonight as well. I need to give this "getting enough sleep" thing a legitimate shot. ;)

A Busy Weekend

I've been doing much better these past 2 weeks with my food choices and I hope when I go back to see Pam (my nutritionist) tomorrow that she'll be pleased. I know the weight has been coming off faster, although the last few days it's slowed down again some. I'm working on being ok with that :)

My big complaint at the moment is that I'm SOOOO tired. All the time. I just can't seem to shake it. I feel asleep at my desk on Wednesday and I feel like I crash every chance I get. I don't know if I'm a little sick, if I'm not getting enough sleep, or if I'm missing some vitamin or something that I need. I don't want to jump to conclusions or be paranoid about it, but I'm tempted to call Dr. Elliot and ask him to go ahead and do my bloodwork just to check. He said he would do it at 6 months, which would be January. Maybe this week I'll just focus on getting to bed early and see if that helps.

Shopping!

So a good friend is getting married this weekend (and let me add how THRILLED I am for her!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I decided that this was my chance to actually get some new clothes. As I'm losing the weight, I'm trying not to shop too much because (theoretically, at least) I'm losing so quickly that I can't wear the clothes for very long. I need new clothes, of course, so I've been shopping places like Goodwill, Wal-Mart, and my sister's closet.

So my BFF and I hit the mall on Wed. in search of the perfect cute new dress. She, naturally, found 3. She's pregnant and it was so much fun shopping for cute little maternity dresses with her! I can't wait to meet the baby, of course (due on my birthday, as all cool kids are) but for now it's fun watching her be pregnant. Anyway. I didn't have much luck. For one thing, it's hard to know what size to get. Obviously, I just have to keep trying things on and different dresses the sizes run differently but still it's confusing. It's a totally new experience for me, though, to be able to say "This is too big. I need a smaller one." I've always worn whatever the biggest size was. Seriously. One time I was in a friend's wedding and just told her to order the biggest size bridesmaid's dress they had. I think this freaked her out, but I was right. It fit.

Ok, too many tangents tonight.

I'm going to cut this story short and tell you that, after much work and heartache, I have found a new dress! This is more exciting to me than it probably is to the average person. For one thing, it was super on sale at Dillard's and I got it for $16! (The only other one that I had found was $90 and I just couldn't go there) Another thing....it's a size 16. Seriously. Let me put this in perspective for you - before surgery, I was a tight 24. When I bought the dress today, the pants I was wearing were a 22. I'll admit they're a little big. But I was thinking I was just barely into a 20. Now, let's be fair. I won't fit into a 16 in pretty much anything else. This dress just happened to run big or something. Still it's exciting to me. (Normally I do not discuss my clothing size. Ever. But I got over it because it's an exciting part of documenting this process for me.) Here's a fuzzy-because-I-used-the-self-timer-and-I'm-having-issues-with-that picture of the dress:

Great Beach Retreat

(This was part of a longer post about my weekend at a beach retreat with my Sunday School class)

I haven't posted about my meeting with Pam, the nutritionist, last Tuesday. But we're talking about changing a lot of things about the way I eat and I've been working pretty hard at it. I did pretty well this weekend. I took some things to eat/drink, but tried not to make a big deal out of it. I told some people about the surgery when it came up, but not everyone. I really don't mind talking about it, but I don't want people to feel like they have to listen to me go on about it, know what I mean? Sat. afternoon I did get sick and that was pretty miserable - especially since all of the bathrooms were occupied by people showering after an afternoon at the beach.