So today we finally had some nice warm, sunny weather - the first time in a long, long time! It was so exciting! So I went to church, then went out to lunch with some friends from church. They were playing ultimate frisbee this afternoon so I went home, threw on an old t-shirt from the play I did in high school (Go Go Go Joseph!), and headed out to join them. I didn't actually play frisbee - I am no good at that and people who take these things seriously would get irritated if I tried to play - but I did play a little bit of basketball, which is awesome. I need to do that more. Then I headed over to the Masinick's to catch the end of their barbeque and play some ladderball. (Awesome game)
While this may sound like an awesome, fun day to anyone, to me it was nothing short of a miracle. Let me tell you all of the things from this day that would have never happened last year - note the phrase "some friends from church". I made friends, which is not something I did well when I was super fat. Note that I went to be involved in some outdoor physical activitiy - not something I could have done fat. Note that I threw on an old t-shirt from high school. It's actually looser now than it was then. Why I kept it all these years, I don't know. My life now is made up of miracles everyday and I'm so, so grateful.
I'm rarely sappy, but today I was just feeling this so much. I even called my mom and told her thank you. Not only did she pay for my surgery, but she encouraged me every step of the way. I have a long, uphill battle still to go but I'm celebrating how far I've come for now.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
A dream come true!
I've talked before about how much I love really old movie outfits. Well, this weekend I went to a movie character themed birthday party, and I rented a dress and went as Guinevere. (You know? From Camelot? She was a bit of a tramp but the greatest, most idyllic kingdom ever was destroyed because of her?) It was sooooo exciting for me. I love being Guinevere. I want to be her every day. Here are some pics:
The outfit
The hairdo
Not only did I love being Guinevere, but it's amazing to me to be able to wear a costume at all. When I was fat, I could never have found an awesome outfit like this. In fact, I probably wouldn't have been willing to even go to this party. It's so strange how so, so much about my life is different now.
In running news, I've decided to scale back my training a bit. I was using the Y training schedule, but I was combining the novice and intermediate training schedules a bit. So I'm going to stick from now on just to the novice schedule. Although I can do the longer runs from the intermediate schedule, I think I'm running more often now then I was before which is making it more difficult. So I'm going to try and be ok with taking it slowly and setting more realistic expectations for myself, which can be frustrating to me.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Overestimating my running abilities
So this morning was a 3 mile group run with the training program. Let me first mention that two days ago I ran five miles - FIVE MILES - around my apt. complex. I was so excited and proud :)
This morning's 3 mile run nearly killed me. I mean, it was bad. I was slow, I felt yucky, I didn't think I was going to make it. I don't know if it's because it was so cold or I was running in the morning instead of afternoon like I usually do, or if I just felt worse about it b/c I could see how many people were running faster than me. But it made me, truly for the first time, doubt my ability to do this race. I know that I have 2 months to go. And, truly, I should be absolutely thrilled to be able to do anything close to what I'm doing considering where I was a year ago. But you know my family motto - "Good enough is never good enough".
*Ugh* LIFE. Why does it have to be so complicated?!?!
This morning's 3 mile run nearly killed me. I mean, it was bad. I was slow, I felt yucky, I didn't think I was going to make it. I don't know if it's because it was so cold or I was running in the morning instead of afternoon like I usually do, or if I just felt worse about it b/c I could see how many people were running faster than me. But it made me, truly for the first time, doubt my ability to do this race. I know that I have 2 months to go. And, truly, I should be absolutely thrilled to be able to do anything close to what I'm doing considering where I was a year ago. But you know my family motto - "Good enough is never good enough".
*Ugh* LIFE. Why does it have to be so complicated?!?!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Is this day over yet?
So yesterday I ran 4.5 miles around my complex. No problem. Kept at about a 12:00 mile, which is my estimated pace for the race. I ran on the treadmill tonight - just for 30 minutes, but I increased my speed slowly to faster than I've done before. (That's what was on the training schedule for today) No problem. (And when I say no problem, please translate that as "I didn't die") Then I got off the treadmill and started walking across the gym - I was headed upstairs to do some weights. Suddenly EXCRUCIATING pain hits my knee. Out of the blue. I didn't cry (inside the gym), but it was tough. I couldn't bend my knee and I could barely, barely walk. I slowly, slowly, slowly hobbled out through the sleet to my car. By the time I got home, the pain had lessened, but not gone away. Although my knee has been giving me some problems, this kind of pain has only happened once before. I've bought a brace and I'm wearing it now. I think I'm going to have to go see someone about this knee issue, but I have no idea who to go see about it. I think I'll ask a trainer either at the gym or at my training run on Sat.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Being 31 - ahhhh!
I am not and will not do a sappy reflection on how different my 31st birthday was from my 30th. Because that's just not how I roll. But I will say this - I know I'm different than I was last year, and I got more love and attention for my birthday yesterday than I would have thought possible. I'm clearly in a different place with the people around me, especially at work. To be completely honest with you, it was a bit overwhelming. I'm not terribly shy but I think I'm glad birthdays only come once a year :)
I also decided that since it was my birthday I could eat whatever I wanted all day long. And I did. MISTAKE, Sarah. I'm not going to go into what I ate - because I'm embarassed, and because that's not what I do, and a lot because I don't want to be reprimanded - but I ate basically throughout the day. I didn't get sick or dump or anything, but I did feel generally yucky. And it didn't really help me enjoy my birthday. NOTE TO SELF: Find other ways to celebrate your birthday. :)
So this morning was my first run in the YMCA 10k training program. (They ran last week, but I was in Charleston. Luckily for me, too, because apparently it was 7 degrees last week. SEVEN. This week it was 52. Much more acceptable) We did 2.5 miles today and I did fine, although my knee was bothering me some at the end. I stayed somewhere in the middle of the huge group (there were like 200 people there!). I definitely got passed a lot, but I passed some people, too - mostly walkers. :) They put us into groups based on our projected finish time. I signed up for a wave that finishes in about 70-75 minutes - about a 12:00 mile. That was the fastest group at the training this morning, which is scary. (I'm signed up for the novice runner group - there are some run/walkers - there's also a walkers group and an intermediate group) I hope I'm not in over my head here. I definitely felt like the fat girl that everyone was looking at going, "Seriously? What is she thinking?" It may not be true, but that doesn't stop me from feeling that way!
I also picked up my schedule for the next 9 weeks and surprisingly enough, the most it ever has us running in training is 6 miles, which it only has us do once two weeks before the race. Then it backs the mileage down until the day of the race, which is 6.2 miles. Does this strike anyone else as odd?
I also decided that since it was my birthday I could eat whatever I wanted all day long. And I did. MISTAKE, Sarah. I'm not going to go into what I ate - because I'm embarassed, and because that's not what I do, and a lot because I don't want to be reprimanded - but I ate basically throughout the day. I didn't get sick or dump or anything, but I did feel generally yucky. And it didn't really help me enjoy my birthday. NOTE TO SELF: Find other ways to celebrate your birthday. :)
So this morning was my first run in the YMCA 10k training program. (They ran last week, but I was in Charleston. Luckily for me, too, because apparently it was 7 degrees last week. SEVEN. This week it was 52. Much more acceptable) We did 2.5 miles today and I did fine, although my knee was bothering me some at the end. I stayed somewhere in the middle of the huge group (there were like 200 people there!). I definitely got passed a lot, but I passed some people, too - mostly walkers. :) They put us into groups based on our projected finish time. I signed up for a wave that finishes in about 70-75 minutes - about a 12:00 mile. That was the fastest group at the training this morning, which is scary. (I'm signed up for the novice runner group - there are some run/walkers - there's also a walkers group and an intermediate group) I hope I'm not in over my head here. I definitely felt like the fat girl that everyone was looking at going, "Seriously? What is she thinking?" It may not be true, but that doesn't stop me from feeling that way!
I also picked up my schedule for the next 9 weeks and surprisingly enough, the most it ever has us running in training is 6 miles, which it only has us do once two weeks before the race. Then it backs the mileage down until the day of the race, which is 6.2 miles. Does this strike anyone else as odd?
Saturday, December 6, 2008
What 100 pounds feels like - Sarah style
**Author's Note ;) - I've been working on composing this post for a while now. I went back tonight to edit it down to a manageable, readable length. But then I decided not to. Because I want to be able to go back and re-read it and remember how I felt. So, it's awfully wordy - 10 words where 1 will do kind of thing. But that's just me! So feel free to skim/skip at your leisure, as always**
Well, I posted my before and post-100 pound pictures. So I thought I would also post about what losing 100 pounds feels like. I’m always a little leery about posting things like this – things that make it sound like I’ve met my goal. It’s easy to forget that I still have 50 pounds to go. But I want to remember how I felt along the way. And try to enjoy how far I’ve come, because I get very frustrated very easily. So, because I can, here is...
How it feels to lose a 5th grader...
- HARD WORK. It’s cliche, especially in the WLS world, but in no way was this surgery “easy way out”. I don’t know if that’s still the perception among people who don’t know much about it or not.
- There are about 13,782 rules governing all my meals - what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, how much to eat. I can’t ever just not think about it. There is no cheating when I’m frustrated. I can get sick at any time – sometimes I know what caused it, sometimes I don’t. I miss food, and I miss it being easy. Imagine being on an extremely restrictive diet and knowing that you have to do it every meal, every day for the rest of your life.
- I have to exercise. Have to, have to, have to. And it’s a lot of work. I try really hard to push myself. Both to burn those extra calories and to build the muscle that will burn more calories at rest and help me avoid the excess skin.
- I have to be vigilant about vitamins and supplements. At least 5 pills a day, each one 2 hours apart from all of the others.
- Although, just to confuse you (and me) a little bit, and to bring out my multiple personalities it’s also...
- NOT AS BAD AS IT SEEMS. Yes, it’s a lot of work. But people see me eating such a little bit, or not being able to eat things, and are always talking about how bad they feel for me. And really, once I get past the head hunger thing, I don’t really miss it. My little tiny bit of food really is enough for me. I eat it slowly – it often takes me longer than it takes other people to eat their regular size meals – and it feels like a real meal to me. Someone asked me today about cravings and I’ve found that they’re getting less and less. Because when I crave something and eat it, a lot of times it doesn’t taste very good. After a few times of that, it gets easier not to eat it. I know it sounds like I’m contradicting myself. It’s hard to explain. Roll with me here :)
- RUNNING. I talk about this a lot, so I won’t expand on it too much here. But the difference in what I’m able to do when I exercise is amazing. I can run! I can do an entire aerobics class (remember way back when Zumba kicked my butt?). In fact, the other day I did a Zumba class followed by a Body Pump class. And smaller things – I don’t get winded walking up stairs. You can’t imagine how much time I spent when I was bigger trying to hide the fact that I couldn’t breathe after walking just a few stairs.
- SITTING. I’m not as scared to sit in chairs anymore. I had a constant nagging fear of breaking chairs before. Also of spilling over into people’s chairs next to me at church. (Ok, this is still somewhat of a fear) I’m sitting here right now on my sofa cross legged. Earlier I had my knees up in front of me. I can cross my legs. It’s not super easy, but I do it pretty much every time I sit down. As early as this summer, when I was only like 50 pounds down, I rode on an airplane and didn’t need a seatbelt extender. I feel now like I’m almost to the point where I won’t be embarrassed for people who have to sit next to me on planes or buses.
- BAGGY CLOTHES. I have to tell you – I’m getting a little tired of wearing clothes that are too big. Which is strange, because I’ve always worn my clothes fairly big. I can buy clothes that are too small because I know I’ll fit into them soon. It’s amazing how quickly my clothes get to be too big, while at the same time I feel like I haven’t lost enough sizes. (I know, another crazy contradiction from the crazy head of Sarah) Which leads me to...
- FRUSTRATING. It’s hard for me to know what kind of realistic goals to set. Good enough is never good enough for me. I never feel like I’m losing quickly enough, or I’m doing well enough. I get frustrated about the clothes thing frequently – they’re too big, they’re too small, I don’t have enough.... (see the “hard work” point for other frustrations)
- ON DISPLAY. It feels like people are watching me constantly. They’re not obviously – or if they are it’s out of curiosity, not judgement. I can’t blame them because I do the same thing. But still, whether it’s what I’m eating or how I look, I often feel like a sideshow act :) Of course, I bring a lot of that on myself – I talk about my surgery a lot, and I blog my every action and thought. And I don’t mind answering questions or sharing my experiences at all.
- CONFIDENTER. So confident, in fact, that I dare to use the word confidenter instead of more confident.
- COLD. I’m cold. All the time. Very, very cold. Yes, part of it is losing my 100-pound coat. But part of it is my body adjusting to all the changes.
I’m sure there’s other stuff, too. But that’s quite enough for now, don’t you think?
Well, I posted my before and post-100 pound pictures. So I thought I would also post about what losing 100 pounds feels like. I’m always a little leery about posting things like this – things that make it sound like I’ve met my goal. It’s easy to forget that I still have 50 pounds to go. But I want to remember how I felt along the way. And try to enjoy how far I’ve come, because I get very frustrated very easily. So, because I can, here is...
How it feels to lose a 5th grader...
- HARD WORK. It’s cliche, especially in the WLS world, but in no way was this surgery “easy way out”. I don’t know if that’s still the perception among people who don’t know much about it or not.
- There are about 13,782 rules governing all my meals - what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, how much to eat. I can’t ever just not think about it. There is no cheating when I’m frustrated. I can get sick at any time – sometimes I know what caused it, sometimes I don’t. I miss food, and I miss it being easy. Imagine being on an extremely restrictive diet and knowing that you have to do it every meal, every day for the rest of your life.
- I have to exercise. Have to, have to, have to. And it’s a lot of work. I try really hard to push myself. Both to burn those extra calories and to build the muscle that will burn more calories at rest and help me avoid the excess skin.
- I have to be vigilant about vitamins and supplements. At least 5 pills a day, each one 2 hours apart from all of the others.
- Although, just to confuse you (and me) a little bit, and to bring out my multiple personalities it’s also...
- NOT AS BAD AS IT SEEMS. Yes, it’s a lot of work. But people see me eating such a little bit, or not being able to eat things, and are always talking about how bad they feel for me. And really, once I get past the head hunger thing, I don’t really miss it. My little tiny bit of food really is enough for me. I eat it slowly – it often takes me longer than it takes other people to eat their regular size meals – and it feels like a real meal to me. Someone asked me today about cravings and I’ve found that they’re getting less and less. Because when I crave something and eat it, a lot of times it doesn’t taste very good. After a few times of that, it gets easier not to eat it. I know it sounds like I’m contradicting myself. It’s hard to explain. Roll with me here :)
- RUNNING. I talk about this a lot, so I won’t expand on it too much here. But the difference in what I’m able to do when I exercise is amazing. I can run! I can do an entire aerobics class (remember way back when Zumba kicked my butt?). In fact, the other day I did a Zumba class followed by a Body Pump class. And smaller things – I don’t get winded walking up stairs. You can’t imagine how much time I spent when I was bigger trying to hide the fact that I couldn’t breathe after walking just a few stairs.
- SITTING. I’m not as scared to sit in chairs anymore. I had a constant nagging fear of breaking chairs before. Also of spilling over into people’s chairs next to me at church. (Ok, this is still somewhat of a fear) I’m sitting here right now on my sofa cross legged. Earlier I had my knees up in front of me. I can cross my legs. It’s not super easy, but I do it pretty much every time I sit down. As early as this summer, when I was only like 50 pounds down, I rode on an airplane and didn’t need a seatbelt extender. I feel now like I’m almost to the point where I won’t be embarrassed for people who have to sit next to me on planes or buses.
- BAGGY CLOTHES. I have to tell you – I’m getting a little tired of wearing clothes that are too big. Which is strange, because I’ve always worn my clothes fairly big. I can buy clothes that are too small because I know I’ll fit into them soon. It’s amazing how quickly my clothes get to be too big, while at the same time I feel like I haven’t lost enough sizes. (I know, another crazy contradiction from the crazy head of Sarah) Which leads me to...
- FRUSTRATING. It’s hard for me to know what kind of realistic goals to set. Good enough is never good enough for me. I never feel like I’m losing quickly enough, or I’m doing well enough. I get frustrated about the clothes thing frequently – they’re too big, they’re too small, I don’t have enough.... (see the “hard work” point for other frustrations)
- ON DISPLAY. It feels like people are watching me constantly. They’re not obviously – or if they are it’s out of curiosity, not judgement. I can’t blame them because I do the same thing. But still, whether it’s what I’m eating or how I look, I often feel like a sideshow act :) Of course, I bring a lot of that on myself – I talk about my surgery a lot, and I blog my every action and thought. And I don’t mind answering questions or sharing my experiences at all.
- CONFIDENTER. So confident, in fact, that I dare to use the word confidenter instead of more confident.
- COLD. I’m cold. All the time. Very, very cold. Yes, part of it is losing my 100-pound coat. But part of it is my body adjusting to all the changes.
I’m sure there’s other stuff, too. But that’s quite enough for now, don’t you think?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Some "wows"
Today I "ran" 4 miles. There were a few very brief periods where I let myself walk a few feet - I've been sick lately so I cut myself a little slack :) - but I realized that I have moved from walking with periods of jogging to jogging with periods of running. It amazes me every time. I know I post and talk about how far I'm "running" often. That's because I can't get over what an amazing change it is. Literally I feel myself itching to go "running" sometimes. Which is strange, because I'm not very good at it :) And I'm nowhere near a real runner. But compared to 6 months ago when I could only run a few steps? Exciting stuff.
I have started my Christmas shopping, and yesterday I went to this children's store to buy some presents for my favorite babies. I haven't signed the back of my credit card (don't get me started) so she asked for ID. I gave her my license and she really didn't believe that my picture was me. I was truly afraid that she wasn't going to take my card. I explained about the weight loss. (I did not explain about the fact that I'd been sick so I looked gross, my hair was straggly, and I was wearing my glasses) I don't think she believed me, but she took it.
I have started my Christmas shopping, and yesterday I went to this children's store to buy some presents for my favorite babies. I haven't signed the back of my credit card (don't get me started) so she asked for ID. I gave her my license and she really didn't believe that my picture was me. I was truly afraid that she wasn't going to take my card. I explained about the weight loss. (I did not explain about the fact that I'd been sick so I looked gross, my hair was straggly, and I was wearing my glasses) I don't think she believed me, but she took it.
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