2 month follow-up

Today I'm 8 weeks out from surgery and I had my 2 month follow up with Dr. Elliot. He said that I was doing the right things, but agreed that my weight loss was slower than average for a bypass patient. He said, "Just keep it up and the weight will come off" This is what I have to say to him -
*blech*

Rainy, dreary day today reminds me how much I love sleep!

Back to Real Life

I continue to be frustrated with my weight loss. I'm losing about 2 pounds a week, which is actually pretty good weight loss if I was doing Weight Watchers. However, one of the reasons that I chose this particular surgery is that I'm impatient. And it's a lot harder than WW. So it should be coming off faster. I'm trying not to get too frustrated and be patient, but it's hard. I'm eating real food now, which I love, but it comes with some challenges of its own. While in Charleston, I ate things that I'm allowed to eat, but I didn't make the best choices I could possibly make. Does that make sense? I didn't cheat, per se, but I could have done better. Another hard thing was eating slowly when I was with my family. I got food stuck after a lot of meals, which isn't fun. I actually threw up on the street in Charleston, which was totally embarassing. It just came out of nowhere.

That was yesterday, and food hasn't been sitting very well since. It's weird - I get hungry and then as soon as I get to the point where I'm going to eat, I don't want to eat it at all. Tonight I went over to a friend's house and I ate some chicken - just a little bit of chicken breast on the grill. I've been eating chicken for a long time now! But boy did I pay for it tonight. I was back and forth to the bathroom. I threw up 4 times, which is unheard of for me. I couldn't imagine that there was anything left in there to throw up! I had my papaya pills, and they helped some but it finally just took time. I have no idea why it happened - the only thing I can figure is that the chicken was too dry. (Not an insult to the cook, by the way!) They were cooking with barbeque sauce, and made mine without it b/c of the sugar in bbq. He seasoned it - it tasted good! - but maybe I need to make sure there's something giving it more moisture. Who knows.

Here's a little warning, which is going to contain TMI, so feel free to skip:
After surgery, pay attention to your poop. If you haven't gone for a few days, you're going to want to take some fiber or something. Don't just not pay attention and ignore it. Because eventually, it's going to want to come out. And it's going to hurt.

The Olympics Begin!

So, obviously, clearly, no duh! - I'm not an athlete. Nowhere close. I don't pretend to be, nor do I play one on TV, film, or radio. The fact that I'm still painfully hobbling around two days after I first went back to weights at the gym is clear evidence of this.

Still.

Michael Phelps swims four times faster than me. Four times. So picture this. Mike and me hit the pool. We dive in. By the time I get to the other side, he's already done two whole laps - up and back, up and back. And he's not even breathing hard. Wow.


Last beginning-of-the-Olympic games thought: I love gymnastics. I always wanted to be a gymnast. I loved doing gymnastics and dance when I was little. I think I quit because I got fat. Also, I was lazy. I know when I lose some of this weight, I'm going to take dance classes again. Do you think they offer gymnastics classes for grown-ups?
You can picture me doing this, right? ;)

A Good Day :)

So today - a whole day of feeling normal! Woo-hoo! I ate normal people food and didn't feel nauseous all the time. I'm excited about it, and hoping that it continues. Of course, I got carried away and ate too much at dinner - a whole 1/2 cup! - and that was a mistake. So I'm learning as I go. Tonight's lesson - measure your food. Eat slowly. And STOP. But that's what these first few months are about.

Attitude adjustment needed

Ok, I just want you all to know that I KNOW I'm being whiny and pitiful over this whole thing.... I've been reading other WLS patient's blogs (I never know if it's ok to link to them or not? What is the proper etiquette there? If someone has posted their link publicly, is it ok for me to link to it? Or should I check with each individual person? Who knows) and they all seem to have so much more of a "This is hard, but it was a good decision and I'm glad I did it" attitude.

So my goal is to work on that. Know that, despite how unhappy I may feel at any given moment, deep down I know that I prayed about this for something like a year before deciding to have the surgery, and then worked for 6 months pre-op to get ready. So I know it was the right decision for me. But I don't handle pain or discomfort well. And I think my hormones may be raging out of control at the moment and making me crazy.

I came back from Lynchburg tonight after 5 days to find that my rent hasn't been paid (I gave them an automated debit form - this happened last August as well. Frustrating) and that the tickets I bought to go to Charleston next week were both for the same day. Surprisingly, I didn't actually want to fly down to Charleston and leave 30 min. later. So I have now doubled the cost of my tickets in change fees. So you can see why I feel cray.

John 16:33
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Hello from Lynchburg!`

So I've had a few intervals of feeling better this weekend, but for the most part the nausea/pain continues to stay with me. Sometimes it's bad, others not so much. Yesterday while my dad and I were at the mall, it hit me badly and suddenly so I made him leave. It had been about 4 hourse since lunch, so I can't imagine that it was something I ate.... I've been off the Actigall for almost a week now. I'll call my dr. either today or tomorrow and report back in on how that hasn't helped and see what they say. I'm also allowed to start eating real food today! Hooray!!!!!!!!

Emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess as well. Yesterday I went to church with my parents and they were having communion. At their church, the bread is actually homeade white bread cut up into small cubes (less than 1"). They use grape juice. Neither of these are things I'm supposed to have - however, I figured the grape juice in such a small quantity wouldn't have enough sugar to hurt me and that would be ok. The bread, however, I wasn't so sure about. Bread - especially soft, white bread - can get gummed up and stuck in the opening leading out of my pouch. So I figured I was going to have to pass on that, at least for now. My mom assured me that God would understand :) And I knew he would, but it sent me over the edge anyway. I had a moment of "As if I didn't feel different enough being fat and single at 30, and not being able to get the weight off without surgery, then I can't eat what everyone else can and now I can't I even do communion!" I left church, went to the bathroom and cried and cried and cried. Eventually my mom came to check on me, which made me cry some more. So I left and went home.

If you're not, or never have been fat, there's a lot of things about it that you've probably never thought of or wouldn't understand. One of the things that struck me this weekend is how I hate going places in Lynchburg, like their church - where I grew up- with my parents. Because they always introduce me to people and I feel like they must be embarassed to say "This is my daughter." I'm fat, single, and haven't done anything really exciting - I'm not a doctor or a missionary. I'm not really very interesting at all. (So why are you reading this? ;) ) Of course, my parents absolutely deny feeling this way - and they may not. But it's still how I feel every time I get introduced. It's the same way I feel running into people I knew from growing up. "Well, here I am. I haven't really done such a good job of growing up, huh?"

I know, it seems like I'm just having a pity party for myself and doing some whining here - and let's be honest, I am. But I'm just trying to "let people in" to the mind of an overweight person. It's amazing how it affects anything and everything that you do. I'll share some more fat secrets with you another day :) - like how I come up with excuses to avoid trips to amusement parks because I won't fit on any of the fun rides.

As usual, I've gone on too long here. Happy first full week of August everyone!