*picture mad face here*

Today I was excited to finally get to wear my heart rate monitor and watch while I went swimming (I did walk with it several times in Lynchburg and Charleston over the break). Guess what? IT DIDN'T WORK. It works in water just fine - it worked while I was in the shower. But something about the chemicals in that nasty pool made it not worked. I read over the manual carefully when I got home and sure enough hidden deep in there somewhere was the statement that some chemicals in pools may interfere with transmission. I could literally pull myself up on the side of the pool so the thing was out of the water and it would start working, then lower myself back in and it would stop. I had it time my workout anyway, but it's just not the same. Swimming is the only exercise that I actually enjoy. I occasionally enjoy going for a walk - but only because I enjoy having the time to listen to my music on my iPod.

I'm still reading the documentation on the NutriPoints system that they want me to follow for my eating plan, and it's completely impossible for me. They also keep sending me emails wanting me to come to some other nutrition class that , even in their promotional materials, sounds like nothing but a long sales pitch for this Juice Plus pill they have. So I'm tired and angry and frustrated right now. At least my Heels won last night - 3 more games and we're national champions :)

Fancy new gadgetry

So today I had two "boot camp firsts". This morning I met with the "Life Coach" - like a counselor. I really liked her. She was very sweet and non-judgemental, very much unlike the pyschologist that I met with for my first evaluation. I do not know that I will ever actually enjoy going and talking to a counselor about myself...but I think I'll be ok with going to see this one. One weird thing, though - she didn't have a normal psychologist-type office. It was smaller than a doctor's exam room, with a little counter across the back and just enough room for a table and two chairs for us to sit in. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or not yet!

While I was there, I saw Brian (and let him know that I hold him responsible for how sore my legs are today - he said, "You know what? They're going to hurt tomorrow too." Thanks, guy!) and got my fancy heart rate monitor watch. It had my exercise schedule programmed into it, so tonight I went walking on the path around my apartment complex. This was my "short" workout - I was supposed to do 25 minutes in my moderate heart rate zone. This little watch doohicky kept track of my heart rate, time spent in the proper zone, calories burned, everything. If I went above or below my heart rate it beeped at me. Constantly. Not just one little "you're not in the right spot" beep. A beep beep beep beep beep beep beep until you fix it beep. I may turn that little feature off.

Of course, you don't grow up in Brian Nash's house and think that good enough is good enough. So I decided to try and do just 5 minutes of my workout in my high heart rate zone. Would you know - it records that I did it, but doesn't count the time towards my 25 minute goal! So my total exercise time was about 45 minutes, which was good. I like having this fancy little thing!

I'm off to Wal-Mart to buy fitness equipment - one of the big balls and stretchy cords for strength training, and some decent tennis shoes!

Ow!!

So today (after a parent made me madder than mad - I was so mad I almost cried. I don't know how we are going to co-exist the rest of the year) I had my first personal training session as part of my pre-op "Boot Camp" Brain, my PT, is very nice and has started me out pretty easy - just 3 30-minute workouts for the first week. My heart rate monitor wasn't in yet but I should be able to pick it up tomorrow when I go back (AGAIN), this time to meet with the "Life Coach". It will have all of my supposed-to-do exercise programmed into it and if I meet my goal I get a little trophy on the watch ;) But we did a few minutes on the treadmill today and then some weights and I am already hurtin'. I can only imagine how I'll feel tomorrow....

My job is literally killing me...

I had a regular dr. appointment today (I'm becoming a doctor pro - I have two more next week) and my blood pressure was back down to normal. Which is good news, but it also means that the kindergarteners drove it up that high, so my job is actually killing me. *sigh* I do have a hard life, don't I?

"Body Age"

So, today was rough. My class was AWFUL today. Completely, totally AWFUL. I scooted out of there pretty fast b/c I had to get to the Center of Integrative Medicine for my Body Age Analysis - the first step in this pre-op nutrition and exercise program. I got lost. Twice. I was ten minutes late.

So, here I am - ready to assess my health and fitness which, let's be honest, has no chance of being anything remotely good. And since it's not something that I especially like to discuss, I'm game to do this but I'm not really excited about it. Plus, after my awful experience with the psychologist I'm worried that he is going to be just as disapproving and critical. Add that to my day and me being late and I'm a mess. Completely stressed and ready to burst into tears at the least provocation. So what's the first thing they do? Take my blood pressure. I have NEVER had high blood pressure at all and today it was 141/104. I freaked. Brian (the guy doing the assessment) said it was probably because I was so upset and stressed and they would do it again the next time I was there. There was also a cardiac portion where they measured your resting heart rate and they couldn't get mine to go below 100. I tried so hard to relax - he would leave the room so I could calm down and I just started crying. Luckily, he pretended not to notice :)

Brian was nothing like the psychologist - he was very positive and encouraging, despite the fact that my results were (predictably) not so good. He didn't try and sugar coat it, but he did recognize that I knew they weren't good and that's why I was doing all of this to improve on it. In addition to the blood pressure and the heart rate, I had to answer a lot of questions on the computer, stand on a body mass scale, do a bicep curl to measure strength, a flexibility test, push-ups and sit ups. Actually on the strength and push ups I scored in the average range for my age. Brian said that if they do my blood pressure again and it's back to normal that will take my body age down significantly, but as it was it came out that my body was like a 56 year old!!!! Woah. That's freaky old. I go back tomorrow for a regular doctor's appointment, then next week I start with the nutrition an exercise program.

I was so tired I almost fell asleep driving home. Needless to say, I crashed and took a nap when I got home.

Psychologically UNstable

So I just went and had my pre-op "psychological evaluation". The stupid woman was SO disapproving and critical of me! I hated hated hated it!! She's probably going to tell my surgeon that I am an unfit candidate for surgery - despite the fact that he told me that had never happened before. I'll be the first.

I mean, really woman. I'm so fat I have to have surgery. Did you EXPECT my eating habits to be healthy? Thank you for telling me things that I already know, but making me feel about 3 inches tall in the process.

I'm going granola!

So I went to the Center of Integrative Medicine today. They were the people referred to me (by my surgeon's office) for my pre-op nutritional counseling. I wasn't really sure what to expect. It turns out that it was a 3-month program that includes meeting with the doctor, a psychological exam, meetings with a "Life Coach", individual sessions and large group meetings with a nutritionist, an eating plan (NOT a diet!), and an exercise plan with personal training sessions each week.
Here are the positives:

• I get to work with all of those professionals together to help me figure out a plan that works for me.
• I'm getting a jump start on weight loss and lifestyle changes.
• They give you this heart rate monitor and special watch that monitors and records your heart rate - they download your personal training program into the watch and then when you come back they hook the watch back up to the computer to find out how you did. (Some have referred to it as a "tattletale watch") Really, that's just a cool little technology thing.
• My motivation for chosing the RNY surgery was, "If I'm going to do this, I'm going all the way" If I truly believe that, getting started with extra help now makes sense.
• I can stay with them after the surgery, even have the doctor there become my primary care doctor if I want to.
• The nutritionist I would be working with had gastric bypass surgery and has been very successful, so she's a great resource.
  

Here are the negatives:

• Money. Insurance pays for some of it, but it will end up costing around $1,000. I am NOT taking money from my parents for this - they have already paid for my gym membership and are paying for the surgery. It will take a full third of my savings (I know, my savings are pitiful) but I can do it. I can make it cost a little bit less by not doing the full exercise program, but really when we're already paying tens of thousands of dollars, is a few hundred worth worrying over?
• It requires a big-time commitment. Can I do it? Well, I better be able to b/c once I have the surgery I'm committed for sure!
• The whole practice is very yoga-natural remedy kind of crunchy and that's not really me. Give me artificial sweeteners and antibiotics any day! This will be more of an issue if I end up using them as my PCP, since I don't have one in Richmond yet.
• There's an issue with my psychological evaluation. I have one scheduled for tomorrow with someone else that has been pre-approved already, but the center would prefer that I do it with their psychologist, which makes sense. So I have to see if I can get my approval switched, blah blah blah.

So I came home, thought about it, looked into it a little bit more, prayed about it, and talked to my mom. I've decided to do it. I'm going to call in the morning and ask them what to do about the insurance thing for the psychological evaluation. I may have to pay a penalty for canceling at the last minute. I may tell them to reschedule it for a later date and then call to cancel several days out so I'm not canceling within 24 hours and incurring a possible penalty ;) So we'll see how that goes.

Welcome to my life!

I'm a little unsure about this whole blogging thing, so here's the plan - I'm going to start one and not tell anyone about it. Makes good sense, right? Well, maybe I'll end up telling people. We'll see.

To start with a scary fact about me - I am THIRTY years old. Yes, 30. That is a freakin' scary huge number for a fat single girl in a tiny apartment. Not so scary for a married woman with a house and a baby or two. But for me, yes. By the way, while I'm on the subject of my age, let me say this: I am really tired of people telling me that I'm still young and have plenty of time to have babies and most people are waiting until they're older now anyway. That's fine and dandy. I am happy for those people. I am fine with them deciding that they wanted to wait. It's just not how I wanted MY life to go. Oh, well. I suppose God has his own plan out there for me...I'm just working on finding it.


Here's a major decision that I have recently made - I'm going to have RNY gastric bypass surgery this summer. This is a weight loss surgery that staples a small portion of my stomach off and bypasses some of my intestines to that even the small amount of food I'm able to eat doesn't all get absorbed. It's completely scary, mostly because I'm going to completely have to change the way I eat and be more serious about exercise. And if I cheat I get really sick. Here's where the whole process stands right now:

- My insurance does not have the necessary rider to cover the surgery, so I'm doing this self-pay. And by self-pay, I mean that my wonderful parents are paying for it. Deciding to accept this money from them was a HUGE obstacle in making this decision.

- I have gone to an orientation meeting, and met with my surgeon - Dr. Elliot of the Richmond Surgical Group. Another doctor in that group was actually recommended to me, but I ended up meeting with Dr. Elliot. He moved here recently from CA, but he performed WLS there as well and I have heard lots of good things. He's not particularly gregarious (big word!), but I think that he will be a good choice for me.

- On Tuesday, I'm going to another doctor to begin a nutrition program for the next 4 months leading up to the surgery. (I'm waiting until summer because you have to be out of work for up to 6 weeks, and as a teacher summer made more sense) They were recommended by Dr. Elliot's office and they said that they may be willing to take me on as my primary care doctor as well. That would be good, since they obviously work with WLS patients. However, in addition to being medical doctors they practice "holistic medicine" and I'm not sure how I feel about that so we'll see how it goes...

- On Wednesday, I'm having my psychological evaluation. *gulp* Who knows what they will say about me? ;)